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Thursday, 24 May 2012

Sleepless in Lymington

My sleep pattern is completely shot at the moment; no doubt aided and abetted by the hot weather we have in the UK at the moment.  Have been getting to sleep about 3.30am recently, only to wake up about 5 hours later.  I stayed awake during the day today and hoped that going to be about 9pm I might sleep through, but two hours later I was up and wide awake.

So, I hear you ask, what has Vicki been doing in the last hour or so?  I just brought myself a Matstone masticating juicer.  What on earth is a masticating juicer?  It chews the fruit/veg to extract the juice, thereby preserving more of the enzymes and goodness of the juice.  I have been meaning to do this for ages, and just haven't got around to actually doing it but I was browsing the internet, while I can't sleep, and actually just did it.

I get an organic vegetable box every week from Riverford Organics, which is delivered to my door.  (Mental note to put out the boxes for the delivery later today).  However I have just not been getting around to using all of them, which is another motivation behind buying the juicer.  It will be a way of using up the vegetables without having to cook them, which will preserve more of the nutrients which are lost in the cooking process. 

I have to admit that with my present bout of depression I have not been eating properly.  I just can't really be bothered to cook and juicing may be a way of getting nutrients, enzymes etc in a more instant way because I also just don't have the enthusiasm to much my way through raw foods at the moment.  All I will need to do now is to actually make sure that I get round to using it.  But then I do need to get some sort of order back into my life, and I do know that eating properly is a very important part of the Plan For Life that I came up with when I was told that I had six months, possible a year to live (four and a half years ago) and that the hospital would only be giving palliative care. 

I had a friend who died of stomach cancer (liver secondaries) nearly 8 years ago.  I had gone to Bath to look after her for her first dose of palliative chemo, and ended up staying until she died a few months later.  The chemo nearly killed her partly, in my opinion, because she was taking so many pain killers that the chemo side effects just knocked her for six.  She was a pharmacy student and firmly believed that conventional medicine was the only path, although she had friends who had sent her information about various alternatives.  So when I was diagnosed as Stage IV I had some idea where to start looking for information to do something to help myself.

Too few people with cancer really appreciate how much they can do to help themself heal.  I am not silly enough to think that my Plan For Life will 'cure' me, but then none of this is about anything other that living in the moment.  This is something I am struggling with a bit as the bigger picture, at present, is rather overwhelming, hence the depression.  I am trying to over come this by doing some uncluttering of my surroundings.  I have four bin liners worth of stuff to go out already, some to the tip, but most for recycling or charity shops / bins.  I went through my wardrobe this morning a got rid of a bag full of clothes that can go to the Hampshire Air Ambulance bin.  I love the fact that it doesn't all have to be of resaleable quality as they sort it and the dross is sold for rags used in high quality paper making etc.  If I can get a bit of control over my surroundings, then maybe I can get a bit more of a grip on living the moment.

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