Pardon my French, but at the moment I am in a bit (he-hum) mood. Pinktober is on its way and I am not looking forward to it. All the smiling and pretending that everything is great, that buying a pink ribbon really will make a difference when I know that it is a Pantomime. The heroes (hooray) and the villains (boo) and, worst of all, the happy ending.
Things are not good at work. The bloke I work with has been in a foul mood ever since the beginning of term and on Wednesday I eventually said why didn't he go home and he blew up. He was sitting there saying he had nothing to do so I asked him to do a couple of things and he growled that he was busy of facebook. I was trying to talk to someone on the phone and he starts playing a trailer for a TV series or film without the headphones plugged into the machine. Give him something to do and he bitches, leave him alone and he groans and the final straw was when he started tapping his pen on the desk. I've actually come to the conclusion that he was doing this on purpose. My suggestion that he went home was because he really hates being there and wasn't going to offer to help me with work that was marked for his attention as well as mine because he likes to pick and choose what he wants to do. He didn't come in on Thursday and started sending all this stuff through for me to do and when I asked that he didn't do so he emailed back, and I quote "Its what you getting F****** paid for you lazy bitch". I have tried leaving him to sulk, I have tried letting him pick what he wants to do, which is basically nothing for any length of time, and I have tried getting him to do other bits. None of it works. He just glowers in the corner like a spoilt child who is having to realise that he is in his late 50's and has a crap job which he chose to come back to after the summer holidays. I think I am beginning to understand why he has had a bewildering number of jobs over the years. He can't get another job, though heaven only knows he has spent enough work time applying for them on line and just doesn't want to accept that he is a minion and not management any more. On top of that the college has agreed this year to pay for him to do a teaching qualification, which as a member of staff he doesn't have to pay for! All he has to do is just get on with the job for an academic year then he might be able to do some teaching.
I fully admit that I am not always a ray of sunshine and which the systems problems that we have had this term I haven't been in the best frame of mind, but I accept that it is a job, and who else is going to employ someone diagnosed with Metastatic Breast Cancer five years and eight months ago, and so statistically is living well into borrowed time. Well all I can say to my colleague is put your big boy pants on and get on with it.
On top of this I have been trying to get some information from Breast Cancer Care, the only UK BC charity that takes an interest in Metastatic Breast Cancer, about what they are planning for 13 October - what they call 'Secondary' Breast Cancer Day. As of today, 29 September 2013 there is no information available. Like we can all make plans at such short notice and support whatever they are going to focus on. I see they have removed their most recent summary report which was for 2011, but basically this is the same information as they had up two years ago. http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/campaigning-volunteering/campaigning/current-campaigns/spotlight-secondary-breast-cancer . I could become a Breast Cancer Voice, but I don't think they would want me because I am too vocal about what is not being done. I'm not Pink. At the moment I am a dark shade of blue.