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Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Work is a drag

I don't really like this time of year at work because it is very quiet, and I'm not very good at taking it easy and chatting as I am used to have to work at top speed to get through my work load.  This week one of my colleagues is on holiday in Spain and I am having to do her job and mine, basically, and I still don't have enough to do.  And as I am on the front desk dealing with the students I can't really hide away and read a book, so I am pretending to do something while I blog.

It does raise the question of why am I trying to stay working at the college?  I do wonder sometimes if I have made the right decision.  When you are Stage IV it is difficult to be able to make decisions about things like work.  Do I give up?  What would my life be like without work?  Am I wasting what time I have doing a mundane job?  What about finances?  For that matter how much time do I have?  What do I do with that time?

I like the concept of being 'normal' and still being able to work and contribute something to society.  I don't want to be sitting at home, starring at the walls and waiting to die.  Stage IV doesn't come with a 'best before', 'use by', or 'display until' date because there are no absolute barriers.  In my case it has been a matter of continual adaption to my conditions - physical, mental and emotional and these are subtle and ongoing changes which affect not only myself but my family and those I work with.  On occasion this means that I am not the easiest person to be around but, just as I accept that others have a bad day, I expect them to accept that I am not always at my best.  Sometimes it is difficult to remember that there are others around when I am having a 'crisis' because there is always the feeling that I am on my own with this; and besides there is so much junk floating around in my head some times I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Oh joy - time to go home... 

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