So I did have a wildlife garden but now it is almost cleared. In the process we have made several frogs homeless when their 'pot' was disturbed. Years ago, when I could garden, I came across a frog, or maybe two, who seemed to like one patch of the garden. So I put a broken pot over the area he liked in the hope that he would settle in ... roll on a decade or so and probably a generation of frogs or two and Stewart's clearing gave them the shock of their lives (and gave him a bit of a start as well!) when they were uncovered and leapt out of the pot-house at him. The pot has gone back but I dare not look to see if the frogs have come back. Mind you it might take them a while to trust my pot again.
I now have fences which are painted 'Forest Green' according to the label and the garden gate is also now Forest Green. Looks good, though I am not sure how good it will be for the fence because the pot has been sitting around for about 10 years as well.
Of course all of this 'deforestation' at Number 11 has meant that some rather large holes have been uncovered in the fence I share with Number 10 so that will have to be tackled. The level of one of my flowerbeds is higher than next doors, but luckily the 'deforestation' uncovered some breezeblocks that can be used to built a retaining wall before the panels are put in. Work on that should start on Tuesday, weather permitting, and Stewart's motorbike which has not been well of late.
Being able to reuse some of the materials I have around here is helping to make up for the loss of habitat for certain beasties. There is so much to do and part of the plan is to make a slope down the garden that can take a wheelchair. It is not that I am in need of a wheelchair yet, but it would make getting my drag-along shopping trolley up to the house a lot easier, and while I have the help and some of the materials I might as well get it done. When I moved in my brother and his father-in-law, who is a brick layer by trade, did a lot of landscaping of the back garden. Retaining walls were put in to get rid of the slopes, one of which was very steep and quite dangerous when I would forget that it was there and chase a piece of washing on the whirligig! However when it came to the steps they were done the way my brother wanted them done, and now I find them a bit daunting at times. Of course if we had thought far enough ahead we could have used the original slope for a ramp, but 19 years and a day ago when I got the keys to this house who was thinking that I would be in need of any such thing when I wasn't even close to being 40!
Another adaptation I have been thinking of is to have a loo and shower put in downstairs. In the UK it is now compulsory to include a downstairs toilet in any new build, but not when this house was built. Although I can manage the stairs it can sometimes be a struggle to get there on time, and that is all I am going to say on the subject! It would also mean that if the sitting room needs to be made into a bedroom I have all the facilities I need down stairs, because the kitchen is already there.
It is a tough decision to have to make. To have to far the need for solutions to problems that are likely to arise in the future, near or far. We all have to face reality, no matter how reluctantly and I would rather have everything ready for when I really need it, than have to struggle to get things done in time.
In the meantime we are having a run of rather nice weather here in the south of England, even if it is still chilly when the sun isn't around. Everything seems to be about a month late and although it is now May a lot of the trees are still just coming out, but it also means that the blossom is here, camellias and magnolias are in bloom. I was walking into town a few days ago and stopped to look up at the sky through a cherry tree that is just coming into flower. All I can say is WOW, life is good.
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Sunday, 21 April 2013
In an English Country Garden ...
Well, it is in England, in the country, and it is a garden, but it is more of a wild life sanctuary at the moment, or at least it has been. My niece's brother-in-law has been clearing it a bit so it is beginning to look a bit more like a garden with flower beds rather than a trial to see which weed is more invasive than the next!
I can't dig any more, but I did plant out some potatoes today. I got one of those potato growing bags a few weeks ago and I thought I ought to get on with it. I now have a bag out in the garden with some seed pots in and it will be interesting to see how they grow. Never tried this technique before, though I have grown tomatoes and peppers in grow bags before. Since I had my hysterectomy in 2002 and my health got steadily worse the garden has been somewhat abandoned. It used to be rather pretty and because it is small it was manageable. About three years ago I cleared out the small bed which is under the dining room window. It is only about 8ft by 1.5ft but I could hardly move for a couple of days and had to crawl over to the conservatory to use the step to get up! I planted out some herbs there, which I really should make more use of.
Fresh food, straight from the garden - yum. I remember when I was living in Utah for a few months over thirty years ago picking peaches and eating them still warmed by the sun. It is not a crop that you can grow in England without a hot house, or a very sheltered south facing wall, but I remember the wonderful flavour. So much of our food is harvested before it is ripe, especially warm climate fruits which have to be transported to the UK. With things like melons you can buy them and then have to wait weeks for them to ripen, by which time you have given up looking at them and they have almost instantly started to go rotten. I love supermarket's idea of 'ready-to-eat' fruit that you could use as hand grenades!
Food is such an important part of my approach to living with metastatic breast cancer, but it is something that I have very much neglected for the last year or so. I get an organic vegetable box delivered every week, but I end up throwing some of it away because I don't get round to using it. I used to take a big raw salad to work most days made with seeds, dried fruits, nuts and loads of veg, but now I don't start work until 2pm I don't do this. I must get back in the habit of eating better because I feel that it is really starting to impact on my health. I am, however, starting to feel that as I get more control over the state of my house and garden that I will be able to take back some control over my relationship with food. It is so important, but sometimes I have to admit that I feel a lack of motivation to still be alive ... but there must be a reason. ?
I can't dig any more, but I did plant out some potatoes today. I got one of those potato growing bags a few weeks ago and I thought I ought to get on with it. I now have a bag out in the garden with some seed pots in and it will be interesting to see how they grow. Never tried this technique before, though I have grown tomatoes and peppers in grow bags before. Since I had my hysterectomy in 2002 and my health got steadily worse the garden has been somewhat abandoned. It used to be rather pretty and because it is small it was manageable. About three years ago I cleared out the small bed which is under the dining room window. It is only about 8ft by 1.5ft but I could hardly move for a couple of days and had to crawl over to the conservatory to use the step to get up! I planted out some herbs there, which I really should make more use of.
Fresh food, straight from the garden - yum. I remember when I was living in Utah for a few months over thirty years ago picking peaches and eating them still warmed by the sun. It is not a crop that you can grow in England without a hot house, or a very sheltered south facing wall, but I remember the wonderful flavour. So much of our food is harvested before it is ripe, especially warm climate fruits which have to be transported to the UK. With things like melons you can buy them and then have to wait weeks for them to ripen, by which time you have given up looking at them and they have almost instantly started to go rotten. I love supermarket's idea of 'ready-to-eat' fruit that you could use as hand grenades!
Food is such an important part of my approach to living with metastatic breast cancer, but it is something that I have very much neglected for the last year or so. I get an organic vegetable box delivered every week, but I end up throwing some of it away because I don't get round to using it. I used to take a big raw salad to work most days made with seeds, dried fruits, nuts and loads of veg, but now I don't start work until 2pm I don't do this. I must get back in the habit of eating better because I feel that it is really starting to impact on my health. I am, however, starting to feel that as I get more control over the state of my house and garden that I will be able to take back some control over my relationship with food. It is so important, but sometimes I have to admit that I feel a lack of motivation to still be alive ... but there must be a reason. ?
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
Mug Rugs and Bunting
I have been madly gathering up a supply of fabric recently. The daft thing is that I have given a load away over the last few years thinking that I would never need it ... now I do. The shocking thing is how expensive fabric is these days!
I saw a book on Amazon (other internet bookshops are available) by Christa Rolf called 'Mug Rugs' and I just had to get it. They are so sweet and a great way of using up scraps by making patchwork rugs for mugs to sit on. My mother used to make all my clothes when I was a child: she being a child of the Great Depression and 'Make Do & Mend' of World War II and the rationing that continued in the UK for several years. My parents always taught me to 'keep it, it might come in useful', which may explain why I still have a problem throwing things away to this day. That was why I took the fabrics I thought I wouldn't need to the textiles department at the college where I work, so they could come in useful for someone.
The first time I did some patchwork was when I had not long turned 12. I had my appendix taken out, but they had realised that there was nothing wrong with it but evidently once they go for the appendix they have to remove it. Further tests showed that I had kidney stones which were removed 6 weeks later. In between these two operations my father was extremely ill and in hospital and at one point they thought he would die as there was nothing more that they could do for him. Needless to say this was a rather stressful time for my mother and to keep herself occupied she started to make a quilt from the scraps left over from the dressmaking she had done for my brother and myself over the years. To give me something to do I was also roped in to doing this. Now here I am, 40 years later and caught by the patchwork bug again!
Today I made some bunting for a farewell present for someone who is leaving the college where I work for a better job much closer to home. She is to be married next year and wants a vintage theme and I have managed to make the bunting in the colours she will have as part of her theme! I always knew I was a genius (occasionally).
Having something that I can focus on and lose myself in is a wonderful thing. To lose myself in creating something is so rewarding on so many levels. I have something to show for the time and effort at the end of it, and the very act of creating a unique piece of work is a reward in itself. There is always the anticipation of wondering if it really will work; have I read and interpreted the pattern correctly ... and I also get to use up so many of those little bits of fabric that are left over from bigger projects.
I saw a book on Amazon (other internet bookshops are available) by Christa Rolf called 'Mug Rugs' and I just had to get it. They are so sweet and a great way of using up scraps by making patchwork rugs for mugs to sit on. My mother used to make all my clothes when I was a child: she being a child of the Great Depression and 'Make Do & Mend' of World War II and the rationing that continued in the UK for several years. My parents always taught me to 'keep it, it might come in useful', which may explain why I still have a problem throwing things away to this day. That was why I took the fabrics I thought I wouldn't need to the textiles department at the college where I work, so they could come in useful for someone.
The first time I did some patchwork was when I had not long turned 12. I had my appendix taken out, but they had realised that there was nothing wrong with it but evidently once they go for the appendix they have to remove it. Further tests showed that I had kidney stones which were removed 6 weeks later. In between these two operations my father was extremely ill and in hospital and at one point they thought he would die as there was nothing more that they could do for him. Needless to say this was a rather stressful time for my mother and to keep herself occupied she started to make a quilt from the scraps left over from the dressmaking she had done for my brother and myself over the years. To give me something to do I was also roped in to doing this. Now here I am, 40 years later and caught by the patchwork bug again!
Today I made some bunting for a farewell present for someone who is leaving the college where I work for a better job much closer to home. She is to be married next year and wants a vintage theme and I have managed to make the bunting in the colours she will have as part of her theme! I always knew I was a genius (occasionally).
Having something that I can focus on and lose myself in is a wonderful thing. To lose myself in creating something is so rewarding on so many levels. I have something to show for the time and effort at the end of it, and the very act of creating a unique piece of work is a reward in itself. There is always the anticipation of wondering if it really will work; have I read and interpreted the pattern correctly ... and I also get to use up so many of those little bits of fabric that are left over from bigger projects.
Sunday, 31 March 2013
Renewal - Spring is officially here
It doesn't really feel like it in the UK at the moment. We are in a cold snap and last I heard April was supposed to be cold as well. I have to admit that I have become so used to the cold that warm weather is becoming a dim and distant memory.
The clocks went forward at 2am for the beginning of British Summer Time so the evenings are going to be longer, and for a short time the mornings will seem a bit darker, but only if you are up early enough to notice, that is. For me it is the start of the two weeks of the Easter holidays which means no work. For the first time in several years I haven't booked to go anywhere for this week and I am rather chuffed with myself that I have started the promised clear up and sort out in my house. I have recently bought some new curtains which have been hung, though one pair needs to be shortened because it is an odd length window. I have cut one side and hung it up so it can drop a bit, but I can't be bothered to take the other one down today to start altering it.
I have opened up some of the things I had for my birthday last month and I am certainly going to make use of the 'To Do List' pad. The pages can be hung on your door handle so I can make a list and put it on the door so I can see it before I leave. So much easier to leave it behind that way, and be reminded of this when I shut the door when I get home. Handily, of course, it will be there for me to miss the next day as well. Brain = sieve.
Happy as I am to have made a start it is scary how much there is yet to do. As much as I want to de-clutter my life this comes in direct conflict with the instinct to keep something because it might be useful one day ... because it can still have use; still have a purpose. At least recycling is a God-send in this because it helps to ease my conscience at getting rid of things. I do try to resist the temptation to palm things off on other people though? After all what if they don't recycle something that can actually be used again? What if they just chuck it away? It isn't the value of the item, it is its innate usefulness that has to be kept in mind. Well that and the fact that as soon as you get rid of something you need it again! Karma?
Talking of Karma, I have been following Deepak Chopra's 21-Day Meditation Challenge which started on 11 March. I have to admit to having missed a few days, so I am lagging behind a bit and have about 4 days to catch up with but I have enjoyed it. Perfect Health may be the theme, but this is an elusive thing for so many of us. I like to think that my mind and spirit has become healthier since my body developed cancer. This may sound like a contradiction but health is so much more than having a buff body. I never had that even as a small child but I do finally think I have found some peace and contentment.
Oh, if anyone is interested in Metastatic Breast Cancer Advocacy I have started a little website for those who don't want to go on facebook http://imbcagroup.wix.com/advocacy# so check it out, especially the event happening on 15 April on the steps of the Supreme Court in Washington DC. Just follow the link.
The clocks went forward at 2am for the beginning of British Summer Time so the evenings are going to be longer, and for a short time the mornings will seem a bit darker, but only if you are up early enough to notice, that is. For me it is the start of the two weeks of the Easter holidays which means no work. For the first time in several years I haven't booked to go anywhere for this week and I am rather chuffed with myself that I have started the promised clear up and sort out in my house. I have recently bought some new curtains which have been hung, though one pair needs to be shortened because it is an odd length window. I have cut one side and hung it up so it can drop a bit, but I can't be bothered to take the other one down today to start altering it.
I have opened up some of the things I had for my birthday last month and I am certainly going to make use of the 'To Do List' pad. The pages can be hung on your door handle so I can make a list and put it on the door so I can see it before I leave. So much easier to leave it behind that way, and be reminded of this when I shut the door when I get home. Handily, of course, it will be there for me to miss the next day as well. Brain = sieve.
Happy as I am to have made a start it is scary how much there is yet to do. As much as I want to de-clutter my life this comes in direct conflict with the instinct to keep something because it might be useful one day ... because it can still have use; still have a purpose. At least recycling is a God-send in this because it helps to ease my conscience at getting rid of things. I do try to resist the temptation to palm things off on other people though? After all what if they don't recycle something that can actually be used again? What if they just chuck it away? It isn't the value of the item, it is its innate usefulness that has to be kept in mind. Well that and the fact that as soon as you get rid of something you need it again! Karma?
Talking of Karma, I have been following Deepak Chopra's 21-Day Meditation Challenge which started on 11 March. I have to admit to having missed a few days, so I am lagging behind a bit and have about 4 days to catch up with but I have enjoyed it. Perfect Health may be the theme, but this is an elusive thing for so many of us. I like to think that my mind and spirit has become healthier since my body developed cancer. This may sound like a contradiction but health is so much more than having a buff body. I never had that even as a small child but I do finally think I have found some peace and contentment.
Oh, if anyone is interested in Metastatic Breast Cancer Advocacy I have started a little website for those who don't want to go on facebook http://imbcagroup.wix.com/advocacy# so check it out, especially the event happening on 15 April on the steps of the Supreme Court in Washington DC. Just follow the link.
Friday, 8 March 2013
Things change all the time
I finally made it up to Gloucester and I have already been shopping. I really needed to get moving after nearly four hours in the car due to hold ups getting here. There was an incident on the roundabout where the road that I was travelling on intersected with the M4. Mind you, these days I don't really worry about how long it takes to get somewhere when I don't have to be somewhere at a certain time. The only problem I have is that I have been getting quite a lot of pain in my right leg when I am in the car for a while.
What is hard to do it keep this in perspective. I have no proof that the problem is caused by my bone mets or that they have started to progress. Normally I go for acupuncture every two weeks, but this time it was three weeks because Justin went to Slovenia for a skiing holiday. This week I have had no reflexology which also doesn't help. I take an approach that includes far more than just the conventional approach. For me there is no way that I can stick to just the treatment prescribed by MDs. I think part of the problem is that I have learned from the process of my diagnosis not to trust the medical profession and blindly believe that they have the only answers. I believe that cancer is caused by a 'perfect storm' of events and influences so I take a 'perfect storm' approach of trying different things to deal with it on more than just the slash/burn/poison approach of western medicine. I have to deal with it on a personal and spiritual basis. It took a while to get over my anger and realise that there is nothing that can be done to change my diagnosis. Yes there was evidence 6 years before my diagnosis that I might have cancer and it was ignored by conventional medicine because I was "too" young.
Trying to find a way to co-exist with cancer is difficult. After all no one actually does this willingly and one important thing has been to change my approach as my ways of dealing with this has changed. I firmly believe in remaining open to new information and evidence about approaches that may help me. After all it was once believed that the earth was flat. As I have progressed through 5 years of living with this I have changed some things. I don't actually meditate as much as I used to because I have found ways of doing this as a part of my life, rather than as a separate thing. It has become a part of the normal pattern of my life. It is important to do the things that are important at this stage of my life and not remain in a pattern that I have outgrown. I am not the same person who was diagnosed over 5 years ago, and I am not the same person as I will be in a year's time.
What is hard to do it keep this in perspective. I have no proof that the problem is caused by my bone mets or that they have started to progress. Normally I go for acupuncture every two weeks, but this time it was three weeks because Justin went to Slovenia for a skiing holiday. This week I have had no reflexology which also doesn't help. I take an approach that includes far more than just the conventional approach. For me there is no way that I can stick to just the treatment prescribed by MDs. I think part of the problem is that I have learned from the process of my diagnosis not to trust the medical profession and blindly believe that they have the only answers. I believe that cancer is caused by a 'perfect storm' of events and influences so I take a 'perfect storm' approach of trying different things to deal with it on more than just the slash/burn/poison approach of western medicine. I have to deal with it on a personal and spiritual basis. It took a while to get over my anger and realise that there is nothing that can be done to change my diagnosis. Yes there was evidence 6 years before my diagnosis that I might have cancer and it was ignored by conventional medicine because I was "too" young.
Trying to find a way to co-exist with cancer is difficult. After all no one actually does this willingly and one important thing has been to change my approach as my ways of dealing with this has changed. I firmly believe in remaining open to new information and evidence about approaches that may help me. After all it was once believed that the earth was flat. As I have progressed through 5 years of living with this I have changed some things. I don't actually meditate as much as I used to because I have found ways of doing this as a part of my life, rather than as a separate thing. It has become a part of the normal pattern of my life. It is important to do the things that are important at this stage of my life and not remain in a pattern that I have outgrown. I am not the same person who was diagnosed over 5 years ago, and I am not the same person as I will be in a year's time.
Friday, 1 March 2013
Thank Crunchie it's Friday
After a sewing marathon on Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning I have come down to earth with a bit of a bump. I feel as though I have used up all my energy for a while. Yesterday I woke up at 10.30 when I needed to be at my Tai Chi class at 11.15 and even when I got there I was still half asleep and my balance was shot, which takes away the fluidity of the movements when you are trying not to fall over.
This morning I only remembered that I needed to have a blood test done today before my treatment next week when a reminder popped up on my screen. Groan! So I had to get a move on because now they have gone back to the 'take and number and wait' system it has been taking about and hours and a half to get through to have the bloods taken.
It did, however, give me the time to be able to get to work early to be able to sort out all the freebies that I have collected lately for the All-Ways Healthy campaign which will be starting on the 11th. I have had a look at all the stuff that I have and I've labelled the boxes according to which day of the week they will be needed; and I made up some goodie bags for the out-centres of the college. So all in all I am feeling a bit virtuous today, even if I wish I could sleep for a week - or at least a weekend.
It is hard not to think that my cancer may finally be progressing when I have had an increase in pain and stiffness in my back, and also with the stability of my lower back in particular. I just keep having to tell myself that I have no proof of any progression, and it is probably connected to not wearing the special insoles in my shoes which have been recommended to me by my acupuncturer (is there such a thing?). My old shoes started to fall apart and I just hadn't got around to transferring the insoles to my newer shoes. This is probably a bit of an own-goal really. Just because I am too lazy to do something it really just means that I am not being proactive and helping myself.
To be honest I have more faith in myself to prolong my survival that I do in the medical profession. I think that I can influence the cancer by the way if think, deal with stress and what I eat. However before I can do any of that I need to get some sleep g'night.
This morning I only remembered that I needed to have a blood test done today before my treatment next week when a reminder popped up on my screen. Groan! So I had to get a move on because now they have gone back to the 'take and number and wait' system it has been taking about and hours and a half to get through to have the bloods taken.
It did, however, give me the time to be able to get to work early to be able to sort out all the freebies that I have collected lately for the All-Ways Healthy campaign which will be starting on the 11th. I have had a look at all the stuff that I have and I've labelled the boxes according to which day of the week they will be needed; and I made up some goodie bags for the out-centres of the college. So all in all I am feeling a bit virtuous today, even if I wish I could sleep for a week - or at least a weekend.
It is hard not to think that my cancer may finally be progressing when I have had an increase in pain and stiffness in my back, and also with the stability of my lower back in particular. I just keep having to tell myself that I have no proof of any progression, and it is probably connected to not wearing the special insoles in my shoes which have been recommended to me by my acupuncturer (is there such a thing?). My old shoes started to fall apart and I just hadn't got around to transferring the insoles to my newer shoes. This is probably a bit of an own-goal really. Just because I am too lazy to do something it really just means that I am not being proactive and helping myself.
To be honest I have more faith in myself to prolong my survival that I do in the medical profession. I think that I can influence the cancer by the way if think, deal with stress and what I eat. However before I can do any of that I need to get some sleep g'night.
Thursday, 28 February 2013
Am I wasting my time?
As many of you will know I work in a college in the UK. College here is mainly for 16 - 19 year olds who are doing A-levels or vocational courses. I came up with the idea of a week devoted to the awareness of various health and living issues and we are going to have days devoted to different themes - health, mental issues, leisure, food and relationships. I have been gathering some hand outs and freebies to do with some of these issues and along the way I have spent my own money on getting some items such as some mugs, T-shirts and banners printed to try and tie it all together with a uniform presentation. This evening I am beginning to wonder why I am bothering. I gave one of the mugs to the Principal's PA as a gift for the Principal. I received no acknowledgement of this and as I found it abandoned in the staff kitchen today I can only assume that it is thought of as a bit of a joke.
So why am I wasting my time? I came up with the idea not to make the college look good, or may the senior management look as though they are doing a good job, but because it matters to me that maybe one of the 3,500 students will remember something that could help them in the future, and with the Teenage Cancer Trust coming on one day, something that may even save their life, or the life of another if they recognise the symptoms in time.
In the UK it is the perfect time to get them thinking about what they eat as something more than a collection of calories. There are morals and ethics involved with what we consume to say nothing of the environmental impact that agriculture has on the entire world, especially when people haven't got a clue that there is such a thing as seasonal fruit and vegetables. Riverford (http://www.riverford.co.uk/) are going to let us have some healthy eating booklets to hand out and are also donating some organic fruit boxes. I have an organic vegetable box delivered by them every week because I believe that organic food is much better than 'conventionally' farmed produce, and part of that ethos is working to enhance the soil and the environment and not to strip it of every nutrient possible as it destroys the soil and its environment. Organisations like Riverford actually seem to understand that they are the guardians of the land and not its exploiters.
While there is a chance that the message of how we live is as important as the fact that we live I am just going to plod on and hope for the best.
So why am I wasting my time? I came up with the idea not to make the college look good, or may the senior management look as though they are doing a good job, but because it matters to me that maybe one of the 3,500 students will remember something that could help them in the future, and with the Teenage Cancer Trust coming on one day, something that may even save their life, or the life of another if they recognise the symptoms in time.
In the UK it is the perfect time to get them thinking about what they eat as something more than a collection of calories. There are morals and ethics involved with what we consume to say nothing of the environmental impact that agriculture has on the entire world, especially when people haven't got a clue that there is such a thing as seasonal fruit and vegetables. Riverford (http://www.riverford.co.uk/) are going to let us have some healthy eating booklets to hand out and are also donating some organic fruit boxes. I have an organic vegetable box delivered by them every week because I believe that organic food is much better than 'conventionally' farmed produce, and part of that ethos is working to enhance the soil and the environment and not to strip it of every nutrient possible as it destroys the soil and its environment. Organisations like Riverford actually seem to understand that they are the guardians of the land and not its exploiters.
While there is a chance that the message of how we live is as important as the fact that we live I am just going to plod on and hope for the best.
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