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Friday, 8 March 2013

Things change all the time

I finally made it up to Gloucester and I have already been shopping.  I really needed to get moving after nearly four hours in the car due to hold ups getting here.  There was an incident on the roundabout where the road that I was travelling on intersected with the M4.  Mind you, these days I don't really worry about how long it takes to get somewhere when I don't have to be somewhere at a certain time.  The only problem I have is that I have been getting quite a lot of pain in my right leg when I am in the car for a while.

What is hard to do it keep this in perspective.  I have no proof that the problem is caused by my bone mets or that they have started to progress.  Normally I go for acupuncture every two weeks, but this time it was three weeks because Justin went to Slovenia for a skiing holiday.  This week I have had no reflexology which also doesn't help.  I take an approach that includes far more than just the conventional approach.  For me there is no way that I can stick to just the treatment prescribed by MDs.  I think part of the problem is that I have learned from the process of my diagnosis not to trust the medical profession and blindly believe that they have the only answers.  I believe that cancer is caused by a 'perfect storm' of events and influences so I take a 'perfect storm' approach of trying different things to deal with it on more than just the slash/burn/poison approach of western medicine.  I have to deal with it on a personal and spiritual basis.  It took a while to get over my anger and realise that there is nothing that can be done to change my diagnosis.  Yes there was evidence 6 years before my diagnosis that I might have cancer and it was ignored by conventional medicine because I was "too" young. 

Trying to find a way to co-exist with cancer is difficult.  After all no one actually does this willingly and one important thing has been to change my approach as my ways of dealing with this has changed.  I firmly believe in remaining open to new information and evidence about approaches that may help me.  After all it was once believed that the earth was flat.  As I have progressed through 5 years of living with this I have changed some things.  I don't actually meditate as much as I used to because I have found ways of doing this as a part of my life, rather than as a separate thing.  It has become a part of the normal pattern of my life.  It is important to do the things that are important at this stage of my life and not remain in a pattern that I have outgrown.  I am not the same person who was diagnosed over 5 years ago, and I am not the same person as I will be in a year's time.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Sticki Vicki - I can relate with the meditating. Before I was diagnosed with Stage iv breast cancer, I had been meditating at least once a day (sometimes twice) for about 3 years. The trauma of the diagnosis threw me off track, and I never really got back on ... but it does seem that my meditation has gone "deeper" or something, so that it is always happening, whether I deliberately sit down to do it, or not.

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  2. Hello Beth. I don't meditate as much as I should but I do feel as though it is always 'there for me' when I need it. It is almost like having an extra dimension to my mind that I can go to when I need to find some calm.

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