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Monday, 21 November 2011

That took my breath away

I just heard that a friend from one of the forums I belong to for those of us with secondary (metastatic) cancer has died.  I had hoped that the fact that we had not heard form her was because she was partying too much, but the last report was that she had some new brain mets.

I don't know why, but that made me gasp and quite took my breath away for a minute.  I know it shouldn't, but it does make me feel as though I am edging inevitably towards the abyss.  I try to be philosophical about death and I am by nature rather fatalistic, but it just makes me realise what my inevitable path is likely to be.  I am feeling lonely at the moment which hasn't really helped.  No one calls, no one takes much interest in my existence, no one really cares.  With the news that they may not do anything about my hip until February it just makes me wonder why I bother.  What is the point of being alive?  Does anyone ever read this?

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